Anonymous said: Hey, seems life throws you a couple of curve balls. First, you cant find something good and real..then when you found something worth holding on to its defective somehow. Seems this is the real world..and nothing is smooth sailing..but, I guess a little advice could help. So, here it is: Its been two wonderful months, I met a guy who treats me so well for the majority of the time and things have been great..but there has been a few red flags thats been going up. Sometimes, he would argue about the smallest things, things I didnt even think could be a problem..things like if you are giving enough love all the time, If I ate breakfast, if you ask his opinion before any one elses just to name a few. At first, I thought..maybe its a phase...it will get better..but now..Im tired off being on my guard so much. Its a huge load to walk on egg shells sometimes. Dont get me wrong...he treats me so well most of the time..but its like he has two very different sides to him...when he is GREAT, he is REAL GREAT..but when he wants something..he means business.. I dont know how to handle his needs sometimes. He said that he had no mother growing up since she abandoned him for his old ways..but his father and grandparents has always been there for him..and they seem like wonderful people. Do you think this could be a factor? He also has a bit of a past..taking drugs, one night stands, sleeping around..partying, drinking. He sais that Im different from what he is use to..that he has seen the bad extreme and apparently im the opposite. That Im the one thing thats changed him from those bad ways and that he wants to be better, get married and settle down...he wants to change. Rudes, I just dont know what to make of all this...last week we were apart for 3 days just to have some space, we werent fighting..just some time alone so that we could miss eachother in order to get closer..when I called him ...he had to rush to go because his friend was around him and he doesnt like talking to me in front of his friend. Then he got invited to his friend's party and he denied me going with him because he wasnt comfortable with me going. These friends are the bad extreme and one of his ex girlfriends will be there..whats going on here? Is he ashamed of me or of them..?? Im so happy but im so scared..
what do you think?
Obviously we don’t know each other, but the one thing I feel comfortable saying to you with great confidence is that you know that there is a problem. You feel it in your bones, your skin, and most importantly your gut. Those are your instincts and they’re trying to tell you something. The best thing you can do is listen to your gut. Those red flags you speak of are your instincts talking to you. Think about it like this if a stranger gives you advice you have the option to ignore them, but when it comes to your gut, the same gut that is a part of you, and that always, always looks out for you why would you want to ignore it?
He’s showing you what you will have to deal with in the future. Walking on eggshells, not knowing what will set him off, argumentative or nothing, and keeping you from mixing with his friends…I don’t know, but it seems to me that these are the signs of a good relationship. You can’t only evaluate the good times of your relationship.
As for his mother, anything I say might be considered psycho-babble, but in my opinion a man who knows how to respect women, how to treat women usually learned that behaviour early in life – from his mother. Now that doesn’t excuse him because he’s old enough to know better.
Whatever you do don’t stay in it because you think he’ll change, or because you want to be the one to change him. There are lots of killers with potential, lots of pimps with potential, lots of rotten men with potential…I’m trying to say you don’t get with a guy based on his potential, you get with a guy based on what he has now, who he is now, not who he might-potentially-possibly-be.
You deserve what you give. You give good then you should receive good in return.
Hope this helps!
LADIES, THIS IS MY ADVICE TO HER AND ANY WOMAN WHO SUFFERS FROM THIS SELF INFLICTED WAY OF THINKING:
Come—Walk With Me…
Let me be clear when I say that your guy wants you to be NAUGHTY! Yes, naughty, naughty…the naughtier the better. He wants you to be so naughty that if you Google the word naughty your name comes up first. Okay, I’m joking about the Google thing, but you know what I mean. And by the way, wanting to explore your sexual appetite with your partner doesn’t make you a freak, abnormal, or strange. You don’t have to do any acrobatics, or install a stripper pole, but be creative. At first he might wonder who you are, but he’ll most likely appreciate the naughty in you. The things that you might be worried about will probably not even faze him. Try your best to put your insecurities away long enough for you to vamp it up. Do it one night, and he’ll be so thankful that he’ll be looking forward to seeing that side of you again, and again. So make sure it’s really who you are, or what you enjoy doing because ole boy will be looking for many repeat performances.
It’s shocking to me that a woman could feel this way, but then I’m reminded that we’re all more critical of ourselves than anyone else. My advice to any woman who shares this same fear is to introduce him to that hidden side of your sexiness, but do it in small doses. Let him know that tonight you want to spice it up by trying something new, or just tell him tonight you’re going to make him feel extra special. I’m telling you the curiosity of what’s to come will be enough to drive him crazy. Keep in mind that men love the physical stuff with their women, and for the most part they don’t care how they get it from you, just as long as they get it.
However, I just want to add that I realize not all men are the same, so there may be some men who don’t care for adventurous sex…I don’t know any, but there may be one, or two.
So just in case your guy is that guy revealing your more daring side should still be okay, but maybe you should just hold off on using any foreign objects. Your best bet is to not use anything that is not normally attached to your body. This is just my opinion and hopefully your Rude Awakening.
Why do man find their dream woman but let their fears and hurts from past relationships keep them away from experience true love?
Good question, no, actually great question. Traditionally men or at least some men are known to not be so forthcoming with their emotions. Some men have trouble expressing how they feel because they’re not comfortable doing so. Expressing your love to someone takes courage, and I’m not saying that men are not courageous, but usually when it comes to matters of the heart we build walls around it in order to keep it safe from harm. When a man has been hurt emotionally it’s very difficult for him to release those emotions again. We generally are not as trusting as you ladies. That’s why I’ve always felt that if men had to deal with the crap that we put women through it would be a different ball game. Men wouldn’t accept the things some women accept. We wouldn’t put up with having our hearts broken time and time again. We’re just not equipped to handle the ups and downs of the emotions that come with all of that.
It’s very clear to me, at least in my opinion that both genders might fair a little better if we could adopt some things from each another. Women could learn to be a little more protective with their hearts, and men could benefit from opening up their hearts and revealing their true emotions.
Another thing to consider is his upbringing. How was he raised? As a boy if he grew up with a strong male role model he might have been influenced not to be emotional. The typical scenario for a lot of men growing up was that they weren’t allowed to cry. When they did they heard things like, “What are you crying for,” “Boys don’t cry,” “Crying is for girls,” “Be a man and stop that crying.” I’ve heard this story so many times. If boys aren’t allowed to be emotional then they grow up sometimes being emotionally challenged. This is not to make an excuse or condone any man’s inability to say how he feels. I’m just trying to shed some light and maybe a different perspective.
chazellevonlind-deactivated2013 said: Hey Rudez. Just wondering.. When a man is the first to say I Love you, speak about marriage and your future esp after only dating a month..does that mean that he knows youre the ONE? And if His reputation upholds many premiscious experiences..what makes you so sure that He even knows what the ONE is??Hey there Chazellevonlind, please accept my apology for not responding to you sooner, but your message along with a few others somehow ended up in a folder that I don’t pay much attention to. I was just cleaning up some files and discovered them. So once again, I’m sorry about that. Now for my delayed opininon…
This may come as a shock to you and others, but sometimes men fall first and they can also fall quickly. Speaking of love, marriage, and a future after only dating a month is quite fast, so the important piece of advice is to tread carefully. As quickly as one can fall in love, they can also fall out of love just as swiftly.
So you say that this guy has a reputation of getting his naughty on? Well, perhaps what you call promiscuity he might see it as just sharing his love around. Sometimes men and women confuse lust for love. Take it as a compliment that you lit his fire so soon, but keep your eyes open because if he’s one of those people who wear their emotions on their sleeves then lust disguised as love often fades suddenly. And sometimes it’s very easy to say what you feel when you’re caught up in the emotion of it all.
I like to look at love as a journey. If compared to a race, it’s a long distance race, like a marathon, not a sprint. Take your time, and be prepared because you might have to pump his brakes for him…but be gentle about it.
On behalf of my species let me just say that it would make our lives a lot easier if all women were the same. That way we would only need one of us to crack the code to understanding women and then we’d spread the word on as many social networking sites such as, Advogato, Amie Street, ANobii, aSmallWorld, AsianAvenue, Athlinks, The Auteurs,
Fillos de Galicia
Windows Live Spaces
And then we’d send out the world’s largest mass email, take out ads in Playboy, every sports magazine, and every sports television network to let all our brethren’s around the world know of this discovery. Then to top it off we would send a representative of the male species to your leader, Oprah Winfrey, so she could tell her millions of viewers that we now know their secret.