Anonymous asked: Hey, seems life throws you a couple of curve balls. First, you cant find something good and real..then when you found something worth holding on to its defective somehow. Seems this is the real world..and nothing is smooth sailing..but, I guess a little advice could help. So, here it is: Its been two wonderful months, I met a guy who treats me so well for the majority of the time and things have been great..but there has been a few red flags thats been going up. Sometimes, he would argue about the smallest things, things I didnt even think could be a problem..things like if you are giving enough love all the time, If I ate breakfast, if you ask his opinion before any one elses just to name a few. At first, I thought..maybe its a phase...it will get better..but now..Im tired off being on my guard so much. Its a huge load to walk on egg shells sometimes. Dont get me wrong...he treats me so well most of the time..but its like he has two very different sides to him...when he is GREAT, he is REAL GREAT..but when he wants something..he means business.. I dont know how to handle his needs sometimes. He said that he had no mother growing up since she abandoned him for his old ways..but his father and grandparents has always been there for him..and they seem like wonderful people. Do you think this could be a factor? He also has a bit of a past..taking drugs, one night stands, sleeping around..partying, drinking. He sais that Im different from what he is use to..that he has seen the bad extreme and apparently im the opposite. That Im the one thing thats changed him from those bad ways and that he wants to be better, get married and settle down...he wants to change. Rudes, I just dont know what to make of all this...last week we were apart for 3 days just to have some space, we werent fighting..just some time alone so that we could miss eachother in order to get closer..when I called him ...he had to rush to go because his friend was around him and he doesnt like talking to me in front of his friend. Then he got invited to his friend's party and he denied me going with him because he wasnt comfortable with me going. These friends are the bad extreme and one of his ex girlfriends will be there..whats going on here? Is he ashamed of me or of them..?? Im so happy but im so scared..

what do you think?

Hi thanks for dropping in.

Obviously we don’t know each other, but the one thing I feel comfortable saying to you with great confidence is that you know that there is a problem. You feel it in your bones, your skin, and most importantly your gut. Those are your instincts and they’re trying to tell you something. The best thing you can do is listen to your gut. Those red flags you speak of are your instincts talking to you. Think about it like this if a stranger gives you advice you have the option to ignore them, but when it comes to your gut, the same gut that is a part of you, and that always, always looks out for you why would you want to ignore it?

He’s showing you what you will have to deal with in the future. Walking on eggshells, not knowing what will set him off, argumentative or nothing, and keeping you from mixing with his friends…I don’t know, but it seems to me that these are the signs of a good relationship. You can’t only evaluate the good times of your relationship.

As for his mother, anything I say might be considered psycho-babble, but in my opinion a man who knows how to respect women, how to treat women usually learned that behaviour early in life – from his mother. Now that doesn’t excuse him because he’s old enough to know better.

Whatever you do don’t stay in it because you think he’ll change, or because you want to be the one to change him. There are lots of killers with potential, lots of pimps with potential, lots of rotten men with potential…I’m trying to say you don’t get with a guy based on his potential, you get with a guy based on what he has now, who he is now, not who he might-potentially-possibly-be.

You deserve what you give. You give good then you should receive good in return.

Hope this helps!

Rudes